Are You In An Unrequited Love? Ways To Deal With It

Love is the sweetest thing but that is if you are with the right person. But at the same time, the most dangerous thing is also love and the worst of it is an unrequited love.

Do know understand the meaning of an unrequited love?

Unrequited love is love that is not openly reciprocated or understood as such by the beloved.

Being in love with someone who doesn’t love you back is undeniably painful… The pain of loving someone who doesn’t feel the same way about you can be almost unbearable. It certainly doesn’t feel romantic. It just feels devastating.

Unrequited love is a more common thing when you are a teenager: a period when you form your thoughts about yourself, your identity, and about the image of your ideal partner.

Here is how to deal with it;

1. Grieve

It is normal to feel grief, anger, denial, and all the other things a person might feel after loss. Your feelings about the person you love are real, and the hopes you had had are real.

In our culture, we don’t give space to mourn the loss of unrequited love. We tend to say either “Go get ‘em, try harder, your love will win out eventually!” or “Stop being pathetic and get over it.”

If the person you love isn’t interested, continuing to pursue them is both disrespectful to them and hurtful to you, as it delays your ability to heal. But there’s nothing pathetic about feeling deep sadness when a love you feel deeply isn’t returned. It’s okay to mourn.

When the person you love is a friend, the fact that they clearly like you can make it even harder to process as a loss. No matter how many times you’ve said that you accept they aren’t interested in you romantically, moments of warmth and closeness can bring the fires of hope flickering back to life.

You may end up going through the grief process multiple times. I certainly have, with Shea and with many of the other friends I’ve pined for. It’s frustrating. It’s hard not to feel foolish, wrestling with the same anger and sadness you thought you’d moved past two months ago.

The important thing is to remember that these feelings are normal – and healthy. They take you toward healing, even if the road seems impossibly long and twisted.

2. Isolate

Those of us, who suffered from unrequited love at least once, remember how difficult but desirable it may be to communicate with your crush: you are shy, you can’t think clearly, but you still want to make an impression, you long for his/her presence, you want to know about his/her every step, you want your crush to pay attention to you, and you try to contact him/her as often as possible. It sounds and looks a bit like paranoia, doesn’t it? Try to isolate a bit. Do not check his/her Facebook page every second minute, do not ask your common friends about him/her, do not visit the places s/he visits every day. If your crush is out of sight, inevitably, they’ll be out of your mind.

3. Go For What Is Really For You

Unrequited love really is the worst. But at the end of the day, you deserve to be with someone who actually loves being with you. “The One” isn’t someone who’s just going to pop in and out of your life whenever it’s convenient for them. They’ll actually work out problems with you, not leave the minute things get too serious. Beyond that, you won’t have to overanalyze every little thing they do in order to figure out whether or not they like you back because they’ll make an effort to show you how much they care. “Instead of putting your focus on the person you have unrequited love for in the moment envision the [person] who is calling to you from the future who will be able to match your love — they’re there waiting,” psychotherapist Monica A. Ross, LPC tells Bustle.

4. Know Your Brain

We’ve known since the beginning of humanity that unrequited love can make you feel despondent, panicked, and obsessive. In the last few decades, neuroscience has given us a little more insight into why we feel those things.

Everybody experiences love and loss a little differently.

For me, for example, my feelings tend to be expressed in obsessive, intrusive thoughts rather than surging rushes of emotion or impulsive actions. But when you look at the neurobiology of lost love, you can see a lot of common threads in the thoughts, feelings, and actions that unrequited love tends to create.

Saying “I can’t stop thinking about the person I love because my dopamine is high and serotonin is low” doesn’t change the reality of that feeling. The feelings are just as strong and real after we have names for the hormones that contribute to them as they were before.

But knowing the biological basics can give you hope, though. I don’t know about you, but when I’m feeling something strongly, I tend to assume I will feel that way forever. I know it’s not true, but I have a hard time really believing that I’ll ever experience anything but the soul-searing pain I’m in right now.

In those moments, it can be helpful to remember that my feelings are related to the surges of hormones in my brain, and that it is completely normal and expected for those hormones to show up under these circumstances.

It doesn’t negate the feelings or diminish their importance. It just puts them in context.

Another helpful insight that neurobiology gives us is this: Romantic, passionate love tends to burn brighter and longer when there are obstacles. In the normal run of things, in a happy and healthy relationship, the butterflies and thrills of new love will fade away in anywhere from six months to two years, with 18 months being the most typical lifespan.

When our love is thwarted, though – whether it’s by external barriers or their not feeling the same way – the lifespan of the infatuation can be extended by years.

So if you’ve been passionately in love with your best friend for five years, and no love in any other romantic relationship has lasted as long, that might be precisely because it’s not working out between you – not because you are special soulmates who belong together.

It also shows why it’s so important to accept the loss and start moving through the breakup feelings. Miserable as they are, they’re the road to a new life.

5. Self Love

Love yourself, no matter what they say. Love your personality, respect yourself, accept yourself as you are – the all-sufficient and really cool person. This is the best medicine from all mental troubles!

Certainly, it is difficult to argue with your heart. But there is no love that can live without booster charge; and if a battery for mutual love is romance, trust, tenderness, common interests, and love making (well, we can’t ignore this sphere of our life anyway), unrequited love’s food is a fantasy only. And you have two choices here: to wait until this weak source of energy is discharged, or to turn it off deliberately and go to search for a real mutual love.

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